The voice that tells you can’t isn’t your own…
I have a voice in my head, his name is Steve.
He’s an a$$hole. Constantly challenging my own intuition, worried about things that don’t even exist. The guy has no chill.
Steve is the voice of my overthinking and geez, with 29 years of practice Steve is a pro.
But Steve isn’t me.
Steve is designed in fact, perhaps the first artificial intelligence to have existed. Steve is a program, a self protective program.
He was written by nearly 100,000 years of survival training, it’s this programs job to make sure you feel afraid. To challenge novelty, to challenge anything that challenges the status quo.
Heck he even build himself a little home in that 3lbs of meat loaf that runs your brain.
Steve lives in the DMN or default mode network but nearly everyday in the afternoon he goes for a walk down the dorsal medial prefrontal cortex where based on a new meta analysis from NeuroImage says he creates depression, constantly.
So let’s talk about Steve’s home for a moment, the default mode network like many other networks of the brain has triggers this specific trigger for overthinking is lack of focus mixed with lack of positive stimulus.
”K, fancy words what’s this really mean.”
It means that when you look at your phone with constantly shifting topics that are designed for defocusing and eye strain it makes the perfect environment for triggering the DMN.
YOUR PHONE IS GIVING YOU THE PERFECT ENVIRONMENT FOR DEPRESSION….
So why does thinking make any sense for correcting overthinking? Like adding gas to a fire doesn’t fix the fire?
Yes and no.
Rumination and overthinking is automated thinking. It’s Steve, who’s a program, taking your head and changing what you focus on. You’re not the one in control, stress is, fear is.
Steve is doing his job, triggered by being bored for my neurodivergent people and sensations/memories for my neurotypical people.
HOWEVER, when we self direct our focus and think intentionally we are triggering our focus. WHICH is YOU not Steve taking control.
This is exceptionally powerful knowledge because …. guess what turns off the default mode network and turns on the task positive network to get you into action (which is evidenced as behavioral modification to be the best change for depression) FOCUS!!!!
That my friends is how thinking is so powerful for overthinking. It’s taking control of the runaway train and getting it back on the tracks. STEALING your focus back.
Again Steves job is to…. keep you safe and afraid. Which glued to your phone will do. Which helps explain why those with depression have challenge with addition and why those with ADHD have such a higher affinity for depression. They all play together to keep you as safe as possible.
”So… Asking for a friend… how do we apply this.”
Great question, let’s make this real.
Steve in my head strongly believes that loving myself or being vulnerable with others is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. So he likes to protect me with thoughts of self lothing, not being enough or not deserving of pleasure, love. The essentials for level 2 of Maslows pyramid.
Stage 1: Recognize that Steve is attempting to derail my life and has stolen my sovereign ability to consciously direct my focus. (What an a$$)
Stage 2: Shame is cool, but you know what’s even more cool, loving your shame. So instead of calling yourself names or saying that Steve is right, stop him. Give Steve a hug, tell him thank you for protecting me, AND this doesn’t feel good so let’s change it up.
Stage 3: Focus your thoughts on a sensation. What do you smell right now? What do your shoes feel like? Are you holding something? Is it smooth? Soft? Direct your focus.
Stage 4: Is this true? Challenge Steve am I actually not worthy to receive love, is it really dangerous? Should I really feel like sh*t for taking an extra 10 minute shower today so I could just be? No, I am worthy to receive love, in fact I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I think my jokes are funny even when no one else laughs and I smile at myself in mirror. So no Steve, thanks but no thanks.
Stage 5: Affirm the facts, direct the truth into self awareness of the current moment. I know that in the past it might NOT have FELT safe to be loved because you were afraid of being vulnerable and showing your shadows but that’s not cool and smokey the bear doesn’t approve of this just as much as he doesn’t approve of not putting your ashes completely out with water. So armed with a healthy fear of cartoon bears and a willingness to love myself I shall go forth here open and expressive.
Stage 6: Prove the facts with actions. Nothing says I love myself more than actually practicing this is action. So today I’ll show I’m worthy of love by loving myself. I’m going to stop on my way home from work and get a latte, listen to true crime and smile like a fool the entire time. I’m worthy to spend money and time on myself.
BONUS: reflect that night on what a bad a$$ you are and see if you can remember the trigger that started Steve’s bickering.
Note is somewhere, then wake up and be amazing tomorrow.
These types of systems and protocols are extremely helpful for myself when it comes to creating healthy change and it’s mental mixed with behavioral changes the perfect storm for learning to self love through science!!!
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